I wrote this article during a time when I was feeling unbearably obtuse, while at the same time being afflicted by existential dread. I have thought of omitting this article many times, but each time I tried, I tripped onto the memory lane aghast with how dumb-stricken the whole lockdown situation was: ambulances wailing, deep paranoia, and contagious unfurling of hate. So, I will let it be here, but do add few more bits from my journal.

The coronavirus has been a bad chapter in the civilizational timeline. I saw, heard and experienced events that scarred my mind (and more waves are predicted to follow). Lockdown stalling economic movement, businesses failing (specially travel and hospitality) while others functioning on the edge of their absolute efficiency (healthcare). Furthermore, the social media explosion - everyone with the ability to write is sharing their thoughts and sometimes so convincingly (and with little factual basis) that it is outright manipulative. I try my best to keep busy and distracted.

Educational Escapade

I am glad I got introduced to Physics, for its study often acts as a relieving retreat to a fascinating stupor of theorems and equations that demand to be analysed and understood. This escapade becomes especially addictive and longing, when one is haunted by the unnecessary yet constant concoction of all the hickory-pickery around them; and maybe wants to blast out at the physical world (and its people) for all their innuendoes.

On the other hand, I would have loved to formally study pure Mathematics more than anything if I had better test scores and grades, but such field is difficult to pursue, and even more difficult to excel. Regardless, I have been fortunate to study from the most amazing teachers, professors and mentors, but I did falter several times. I guess it is impertinent to expect perfection (however hard one might strive to): everyone has to have done stupid things sometime or the other. Embarrassments, failures, and mistakes are stepping stones to betterment; one has to just make sure none of them are acute.

Substances We Get Hooked To

We all get to live once, and the pandemic has taught us how fragile life can be (especially when new infections suddenly pop up). We often have at least a few options on how we wish to spend our lives (unless one is completely desolate and devoid of resources, in which case they should do everything in their capacity to stand up on their feet). Here are some of the “substances” that I have observed people (including me) to lose themselves in.

Turning Pages

Books, act as anxiolytics to the loud restless mind, and reading feels like meditation (at least for some people). Of course, that is not the primary reason most people read books, nor is it the reason why books were invented (I solemnly bow to thee: Lord Gutenberg). Books are a means of information disbursal - sort of like the social media but systematic, structured yet tremendously slow. Good books provide a means to travel in time (though not wholely) and experience the world (or it’s imaginative forms) from a different perspective, whether it be Shakespeare and his Theatre, The Might of the Mauryans, The Aztecs and the Spanish Conquistadors, Alexander and his Able Army (huge respect for Porus), The Samurai and their Steel, The Mongols and their Horses, The Cholas and their Navy, The Romans and their Polity, and many more. Maybe even enjoy drama, mystery or treat oneself with one of those philosophically entrenched russian literatures - the genres are endless.

A person reading a book a month for 60 best years of life would only experience \(60 \times 12 = 720\) books. That isn’t a lot of books given the vast numbers that are nominated for awards in a single year. Thus it becomes important to carefully select what books we wish to give our time to.

One must keep in mind that there is a lot more to everything than what is written in the books, because only those who write, and are motivated to, can publish. I often wonder the stories so many (old) people would have to share, but often choose to hold back - all the things those (weary) eyes would have seen.

Passions and Professions

Profession is a means of earning a living by application of one’s knowledge and skills, whereas passions are rather personal pursuits. Now, if we take all the passions that people might have that intersect with all the professions there might be then it would form a small subset. Think about school: many longed to be the class monitor, but few wanted to dust the boards, organize the benches and assist in cleaning. Profession and passions are often disjunct: many of the school boys didn’t like doing anything other than play video games.

Going gets easier if there is a considerable overlap between one’s passions and profession. Since the motivation is intrinsic, the person can quickly pick themselves up even if they feel direly demotivated. Hence the advice: “Follow Your Passions!”. It must be noted though, that people who shower this advice are probably already well off, and they don’t have to worry about the next week or the month. Therefore it is essential to be aware of all the activities one is passionate about, and pick those that seem reasonably lucrative to pursue wholeheartedly.

The best thing about being around passionate people is that: one gets to learn a lot about a variety of topics in a more interesting way as compared to spending several hours inside a dusty library skimming through legion of books, and often not being able to differentiate head from tail of the topic under study. Through my interactions, I know that some of Civil Engineering has a lot of Chemistry in it, and large part of Mechanical Engineering is heavy on Physics (and to say nothing of the coveted Computer Engineering which is mostly higher Mathematics). If I had a choice, I would have studied a combination of Mechanical Engineering and Electrical Engineering as they would be more helpful in furthering some of my childhood dreams, should I choose to pursue. Besides, if it were just about studying interesting engineering then I believe Material Sciences (and Biological Sciences) would also be a fancy of many - the chipset that operates the device that you are using to read this blog is basically a meticulously refined and reorganised rock, isn’t it? Of course, none of what you study will matter if it does not offer even the slightest assistance in securing a decent living.

Bucks and Business

People chase prosperity, and entities that are capable of rewarding such (governments, businesses, corporations, customers, investors and others) are important, and have a clout, because they influence policies, utilization of resources, and the laws of the land which in turn sway decisions that people make. This becomes self-reinforcing after a while. For instance, a properties firm/mogul will likely invest in a construction company, whereas a farming cooperative will likely invest in equipment manufacturer (among others).

Business can be conducted (on extremes) like the Soviet way: sending their capable people to Gulag and then offering them restitution in return for their services. Or, the American way: expending monetary resources specifically on those goods and services that are in immediate demand.

Humans are (non logical) emotional beings, and envy is one of the driving forces for businesses and consumerism. It is what fuels the daily drama we relish so much, lest the world would become more or less a mundane mix of measured mediocrity. Therefore, we need to be aware of what we get obsessed over - some of that might not be worth the effort (yet regardless, it is essential to put in a good deal of effort occasionally; doing so helps build self-respect and confidence especially if one is introverted).

Accompaniment

I often find people my age sharing their couple goals on social media applications, and flaunting their joyful relationships. It is endearing, but at the same time, it feels like they are admiring rainbows while others are hallucinating mirages.

Here’s an amusing poem that might get some laughs (I updated to make it generic - feel free to substitute your name):

Please note that, unless you are one of those who dream of ideas and solutions in their sleep, nobody really works “day and night” - it’s just a phrase.

Of course there isn’t one right person for each of us - we aren’t a jigsaw puzzle, are we? Even if there were people absolutely right for each other, it would be (mathematically) unlikely that they sample each other out from the masses.

To give a perspective, the pani puri seller at the corner of the crossroad would meet with more ladies in an hour on a nice cloudy afternoon, than many guys (pursuing higher education or in academia) will ever meet; that too whilst earning a handsome amount in few hours of festive business (often without any tax liability). On the other hand consider a soldier who is on high stakes deployment (or a mariner inside a submarine): the only things they would be going around with will be radio, rucksack and rifle.

I could have exemplified with some other profession, but I chose pani puri seller simply because I love panipuris. Whatever it may be, I hope you find the one to stand by you as you traverse through life. And even if you don’t, try not to feel too dejected - alone is probably better.

On the flip-side, love dies a slow and painful death, especially in cultures where individuals are governed by implicit rules. Ladies are opportunists anyways: they bewitch, and then break away (like the sirens that they are), and leave the man wondering if the ceiling will hold a noose. When that thought pops up, remember: tying the knot didn’t work out the first time, and it will not work out this time either.

It benefits the collective to let love lean where it will stick. So, if you are rich, smart, handsome and tall, you will be a hotshot in the courtship department - the rest of the poor, dull, ugly, midgets can Oompa Loompa our way into building a Chocolate Factory.

Moreover, I think it is noble to invest our time into building something that the world might need (or something the world wants if one desires to capture the market) than to slave away for yet another person. An wholehearted pursuance of such initiatives will almost absolutely lead to retiring to a rustic shack, but it also gives a chance to go down in history, if successful.

N. H. Kleinbaum (Dead Poets Society):

[…] but only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘twas always thus and always thus will be.